Letting go, feeling flow.

Over the past 18 months, I've done a lot of study in spirituality, the law of attraction, yoga, and personal development.

Some points or methods or frameworks stand out to me more than others and have stuck with me in life-changing ways. They've redefined the way I see the world, and life, and relationships. Most importantly, the way I see myself.

Once I find one of these schools of thought that shout YES to me, I find myself comparing everything else to it. Does this new idea contradict this one I've already accepted? And if so, which one feels more 'right'? Or perhaps this new idea is just different rhetoric for the same idea? How fully do I accept this in contrast to something I've already deemed valuable? Or is it maybe actually the same thing?

And I've noticed some common threads.

Life is meant to be good.

It is meant to be enjoyed and played with, and you are meant to (and entitled to) be happy.

Creativity is a part of human design.

Focus is important, and way easier than we try to make it.

Your decisions matter a whole lot, but your feelings about them matter infinitely more.

And I've seen these patterns and felt these truths through a number of books, podcasts, and videos. I collect the ones that click like change that fills up in a jar, adding them to my spiritual wealth.

As I do, I make decisions and tweak habits and patterns and try new things. Many, many times I get tied up in the process of trying a new avenue because I'm wildly entertained by setting up frameworks of my own. When it's time to use them, though, I don't succeed and then feel guilty about the time I spent getting organized since it didn't actually amount to anything.

So lately, I've been trying something new.

It's called letting it allllll go.



Sometimes it looks REAL lazy. Usually it's because I'm waiting to notice how I feel, and I cycle around different activities until something strikes. But here's the important part - when it does, I jump in with everything I've got and I get it done.

The basic idea is to just do what occurs to me - to pay attention to the tiniest ideas that give me a mini jolt of excitement, and to remain productive and intentional. There have been many moments in my life where I could see that too much structure and schedule can feel harsh and restrictive to my personality and my own happiness, but then I'd take it too far in the extreme and end up doing a whole lot of nothing. And then of course, feeling guilty about that.

Lately, though - it's structured freedom. It's knowing that, today I'm going to tackle something nagging, and I'm going to work out, and I want to be creative or read and spend time contemplating new thoughts, and I'm going to be intentional with my kids....but exactly what those things are will be determined in the moment.

I pick the workout that my body most feels like doing. I notice a tingly thought about my housework like, "ooh, I should declutter this drawer" or "I actually feel like cleaning out the fridge" and I pounce on the project immediately. I sit down with a book and write about the ideas I come across, or I pick up my paint brush or crochet hook and make a little progress on something. I see my kids looking bored or upset, and I sit down and have a conversation with them and strive to make them smile. Or I see them playing with building toys, or acting out an imaginative scenario, and I join in for a minute or two.

And you know what? This is what happy feels like to me.

Letting the needs of the day - the needs of my kids, of my house, of my husband, of myself - tell me what they are, instead of trying to plan ahead for them. It brings me more satisfaction with the finished product than any plan or list I could carefully craft and structure. This is a practice in Santosha - in being with the moment at hand. And it fits well with my soul.